Letters To Someone You Love
by zabbygirl
Summary: Tony has announced that he's leaving to find Ziva. Abby has asked him to give Ziva a letter that she wrote when he finds her.
1. Letting You Go

**I do not own NCIS nor do I own any of the characters or the cover of this fic.**

**Please if you read, review?**

* * *

Abby sat down at her desk in her home. She held her head in her hands as tears spilled down onto the paper below her. When to many tears fell onto the paper, Abby crumpled it up and threw it somewhere behind her shoulder and looked down at a new sheet of paper that had been hidden behind the first.

Abby couldn't say how long she had been doing this, all she knew is that she had started when she came home from work. Tony had announced that he was going to find Ziva.

Abby shook her head as she remembered that moment. Tony had that certain light in his eye, the same one that he had when he and the rest of the team left to rescue Ziva from Somalia. He thought he was going to bring her home, but Abby knew the truth. Tony could spend all the time in the world looking for Ziva, he could even find her, but Ziva would never return to Washington D.C. and even worse, she would never return to Abby.

Abby shook her head again, trying to somehow rid herself of these horrible feelings that had filled her to the point that she felt that if she fell, they would all come spilling out of her like a flood.

Abby picked up her pen and decided it was time to write. Abby wrote for a long time. She wrote about how she felt inside and about the things that had happened since Ziva had left. She wrote about the new house she moved into and about the new book she had started to read. Abby wrote about many more things, but out of all the things she wrote about, she never once asked for Ziva to return. She knew that Ziva was content wherever she was, and that was enough for Abby. She never wanted Ziva to feel anything less then happiness.

When Abby was done reading the letter, she read it to herself looking for any mistakes that she would have to fix.

_My Dearest Ziva,_

_Everything has changed since you left. No one will even utter your name around me unless I say it first. They act like they're walking on glass that's about to break whenever they're around me, but then again, maybe they are. Not much has changed since you left, we've had few cases and Tony says he's leaving to try to find you... He want's to bring you back, Ziva. He doesn't understand that you won't come back, but I don't know how to tell him that. I moved out of my apartment, Ziva. I'm in my very own house now, its big and empty and at times like this that I miss our Girl's Night when you would sleep over. I finally started that book you wanted me to read, I keep hoping it will keep me close to you, but I every time I read it I feel the emptiness inside me grow. I miss you so much, Ziva. It's not the same walking into the bullpen without seeing your beautiful face smiling at me. I know I never told you this, but you stole my heart long ago. I've never felt such love for another human being, in fact, I've never even felt this much for any living being. My heart cries out for you, but in my head I know that you left to make things easier on yourself, so I'm not going to ask you to return like my heart begs me to. Instead I'm going to ask you to stay wherever you are, or find somewhere permanent and stay there. You need something permanent in your life, my dear Ziva. I know my chances of every getting a letter in reply of this from you are slim to none, but that doesn't matter. All that matters now is that you get this letter. I hope this letter keeps me fresh in your mind and I hope you read it when you feel alone. I hope you don't forget me, Ziva, but when I say this or think it, I feel selfish, I feel like I'm holding you back from living your life. So even if you read this once and then burn it or tare it up or do something else to it... I'm just happy I finally was able to tell you how I feel. I love you so much, Ziva, and I'm doing this for you. God knows it hurts to much to be doing this for myself. I'm letting you go, Ziva. I'm accepting the fact that you aren't ever coming back and that I will never see you again... I don't know what else to say now so I guess this is goodbye._

_All of my love, Abigail Sciuto._

Abby finished reading the letter and tucked it into an envelope. She put a small piece of paper with her new address on it in the envelope as well as a picture of herself, hoping with all of her might that Ziva wouldn't get rid of the picture if she got rid of the letter.

Abby sealed the envelope shut and grabbed her car keys before she ran to her hearse and prayed to anyone that would listen that it would start while the rain outside of the car poured on.

When it did Abby let out a small cheer before she buckled her seatbelt and headed for Tony's apartment. She arrived in record time, running up the stairs and almost slipping in a puddle of rain water left behind by someone else who had been caught in the rain. Finally she made it to Tony's door.

Abby pounded on the door not letting up until Tony opened the door.

"Abs, it's two in the morning what are you doing here?"

Abby wasted no time on his question as she panted her words.

"Give this to her, if you find her?"

Tony slowly took the envelope out of her hand and nodded.

"Yeah, sure."

Abby breathed a long sigh of relief before she returned to her slightly slowed panting.

"Thank you."

With that Abby turned around and ran back down the stairs, ignoring Tony as he called after her.

When Abby made it home, she stripped off her soaked clothing and ran to her bedroom turning off any lights that had been left on as she did. She practically leaped into her new bed and cocooned herself in her thick blankets while she shivered and closed her eyes tightly as she tried not to think about the letter that would soon be on its way to Ziva. Ziva who was no longer here. Ziva who had left without a goodbye. When Abby finally drifted into a restless sleep, Ziva's name was the last thing on her mind.


	2. A Reply

**Well thank you to all of you for the feedback, I already have four followers and one review.**

**A special thank you to StraightJacket xD you never cease to amaze me my dear friend, you somehow are always first to review on almost everything that I write and you are always supportive. **

**Please if you read, review?**

* * *

_ When Abby finally drifted into a restless sleep, Ziva's name was the last thing on her mind._

* * *

When Tony returned, the last thing Abby expected him to do, was the first thing he did. While the whole team was waiting for him at the airport, Tony made his way right to her. Past McGee, past Ducky and even past Gibbs. He stood in front of Abby and held out an envelope with red lips stains on the front of it.

"She wanted me to give this to you."

Abby said nothing, but with tears in her eyes for how quiet and calm Tony was, she slowly took the letter from him. Never breaking eye contact with the senior agent.

Once the envelope was safely in Abby's grasp, Tony gently pushed past her and headed towards Gibbs's car without another word.

Abby felt a tear spill over as she stared at the spot where Tony had just stood before her. She felt slightly responsible for the change in the man, though she knew she had done nothing wrong. Not to Tony at least, or maybe she had. Maybe asking Tony to give to the letter to Ziva was the wrong thing to do. Maybe Tony really did have feelings for Ziva.

Abby felt horrid guilt wash over her at this realization. It's not like she hadn't thought about it before, but then again she had always selfishly wiped the thought from her mind whenever it occurred.

The rest of the team followed Tony except for McGee who had brought Abby to the airport in his own car.

"Come on, Abby. I'll take you home."

Abby numbly let him lead her to the car and strap her in. Abby dazed off, not noticing any of the scenery or how close they were getting to her house until McGee stopped in front of her home and turned off the car.

Abby unbuckled her seat belt and let out a quiet thank you as she reached for the handle of the door.

"Maybe I can walk you to your house, I mean it is getting dark."

Abby felt her stomach churn at the question that hid under the "kind" gesture. She knew what he was really asking for.

"Go home, McGee." She said without looking at him, before she opened the door and got out of the car.

Abby didn't turn around again as she walked up to her front door and unlocked it. When she got inside she shut the door, leaning against it until she finally heard McGee's car turn on and drive away.

Abby slid down the door and kicked off her shoes before she pulled the letter out of her coat pocket.

Abby held it in both of her hands until the tears spilled over onto the envelope. Then, and only then, did Abby carefully open the envelope with shaking hands. The letter on the inside was made of special paper that looked like something you would find in the seventeen hundreds. However, the paper nor the incredible hand writing were not what caught Abby's attention. It was the tear drops on the paper that had not come from her own eyes.

Abby read, silently mouthing the words as she did.

_My Sweet Abigail,_

_I'm sorry to hear that they are acting that way around you, I know how you hate being treated like your fragile. As I'm guessing you already know, Tony has found me, but I'm not letting him stay with me. I can't my Abigail, I just can't. I miss our Girl Night's as well, they always took my mind off of everything, they made me feel better. Maybe you can send me pictures of your house when I send you my address. That is when I find an address, which I promise I am looking! I've been looking sense you asked me to and as soon as I get a place I will make sure you get it, I promise, Abby! I miss you so much as well Abigail! You have no idea how long I have waited to hear you say those words, but I will settle for reading them in your writing. I know this will sound strange, but I find it better that you have waited until now to tell me how you feel. I would have had to leave you there while I left. I guess it is best now that I tell you that I feel the same way for you. It hurts not having you by my side while I am here by myself. I guess we will have to settle for pictures and written words. It will never be enough for me, but I know that you understand why I can't come back to you. I have to thank you for not asking me to come back and for letting me go, but I must be selfish and ask you not to let me fully go. Hold onto the piece of me that you hold in your heart. Hold that part close to you when you feel lonely like you do now and I will do the same with the piece of you that I have. I must go now my love, I promise to get my new address to you the moment I get it._

_All of my love,_

_Ziva David._

Abby put the letter down and pulled the a small slip of paper out of the envelope. Abby flipped it around and found that it was a picture of Ziva. Her wild curls were down as they framed her face. Abby could tell that the picture had been taken recently, she didn't know how to explain it, but she just knew it. Ziva was looking straight into the camera with a kissy face that was a slight smile as she seemed to look straight at Abby. You could tell that Ziva was taking the picture herself by the way you could see a slight bit of Ziva's arms on each side of the camera.

* * *

Day's passed before Abby got another envelope which was a lot smaller than the first. Abby received the envelope in her lab, Tony had brought it down to her with a slight smile on his face.

"Think it's from her?"

Abby looked at the small envelope then back up at her friend.

"Maybe."

Abby then hugged Tony, softly. It turned out that it was true, Tony did have feelings for Ziva. However her knew that Abby had feelings for Ziva, feelings that Ziva returned. Feelings that outweighed his own greatly. Tony hugged her back with a smile.

"I hope it's her." He said before he left the lab.

Abby watched him go. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes before she let the breath out. With her eyes still closed and shaking hands, she opened the envelope and pulled out a small piece of paper.

Abby opened her eyes to see the a familiar beautiful handwriting on the paper. It was an address and under it was a small note written in the same style of writing that she now new well.

_Here's my new address, just like I promised my love. I have actually JUST bought the house._

_All of my love, _

_Ziva_


	3. Happy?

**Sorry it's been so long since I last wrote, I kind of lost inspiration for this story, I didn't really know what I wanted to do with it, but now I do. So hopefully I'll be able to get more chapters up and finish this quickly.**

**Please if you read, review?**

* * *

_All of my love, Ziva_

* * *

Abby sat down on her couch with a sigh of satisfaction. Th dim light from the newly decorated Christmas tree was the only one that kept Abby from being cloaked in complete darkness.

Abby took a sip of the dark red wine in her hand, she then placed the clear glass on the coffee table before her. She placed it next to a small stack of paper and a black pen.

Abby let out a sigh as she looked down at the paper and pen. She just couldn't find the right words to write. She had written the letter twice already, but she had ripped up and thrown both rough drafts away. The first had held words that were filled with anger and accusations. The second had been stained with tears and held words filled with pain that formed pleas for sweet comfort and reassurance.

The reason for these tears and the unwelcome feeling of anger, was stupid, or at least, that's what Abby told herself.

It was all because of that stupid gold chain she had seen around Tony's neck. That stupid gold chain that held a Star of David on it. Ziva's Star of David. Ziva had given it to Tony and had left Abby with words of why she had gone. Words that were sure to be lies to cover up the truth. Words that hadn't even come from Ziva's own mouth.

Abby took a deep breath as she felt her blood start to boil once more.

She tried reasoning with herself once more, telling herself that it was Ziva's necklace and that she could do what she wanted with it. This only made Abby feel even more foolish and child-like than she had before.

Abby looked back down at the papers with pain and anger in her gaze, like she was looking down at the Israeli woman herself. It had been two weeks since she had received Ziva's address. Abby knew that if she didn't send a letter soon, she would receive one from the woman, filled with questions and demands to know why Abby was not responding to her. Abby would then have to explain to Ziva that her child-like behavior had gotten the best of her and had kept her from responding to Ziva's letter.

Abby bit her lip and slid off the couch and onto her knees in front of the coffee table with a sigh. She wouldn't embarrass herself anymore than she was about to.

Abby straightened the papers and picked up the pen. She took a deep breath, then she began to write.

_My Dearest Ziva, _

_I must apologize for the lateness of this letter, you see, I have been reacting like a child ever since I saw your necklace around Tony's neck. It hurt to see it there, but I respect your decision to give it to him and I ask for no explanation as to why you did so._

_Moving on... Christmas is approaching soon I finally got my tree up. It's still so empty and lonely in this house Ziver, I wish you were here to keep me warm. However, I know this can't be... I think that's what hurts the most out of all of this Z. That I know that I can want and wish for you all I want, but I'll never get the chance to hold you in my arms like I once had the chance to. I should have taken that chance. I know you say you think it's best that you found out about my feelings for you after you left, but to be honest, I think its worse not having you here and knowing that you felt the same, knowing that I could have taken the chance and everything would have been alright. Then again, I know this is a selfish way to look at it. I know that for you, it was better to leave before I told you, so a small part of me is happy that I waited to tell you, because your happy now, that's all I've ever wanted for you Ziver. _

_I love you,_

_Abby_

Abby finished the letter and slid it into an envelope before she pulled out her old camera and took a picture of her tree in all of its glory. Abby waited for the picture to slide out of the camera and clear up before she slid it into the envelope and sealed it shut. Abby jotted down the needed address and where it was from before she slipped on her coat and a pair of sneakers.

She ran out into the cold winter night, snow had started to fall earlier and still was. Usually Abby would have stopped to admire it, but that was when she had once had thought of it to be beautiful, now she didn't want to see it. It reminded her of Ziva. Of the time when she and Abby had played in it along with Tony and McGee when they had just finished a case and took a second to relax. What was once a good memory was now a cruel reminder of what once was and what was no longer.

Abby slid the envelope into the mailbox, then she headed back toward her much warmer house for shelter from the cold.

* * *

Ziva slammed her fist on the table as angry tears ran down her face. She held the letter at her side in her other hand, trying not to make a fist with that one as well for fear that she would damage the letter.

"Happy?" She thought to herself with a chuckle at the irony.

Abby thought she was happy without her. Happy about making the mistake of giving Tony the necklace instead of Abby. Happy without the gorgeous Goth by her side. Happy to know that Abby was in pain because of her. Happy to know that she could not hold Abby and shelter her from the cold now that she knew she could have all of those times that she had wanted to.

If Abby thought that what Ziva was feeling for all of those things was, happy, she had clouds in her head that were blocking her from being able to think clearly.

Ziva fell to her knees, releasing the letter as she did so.

She missed them all so dearly, Abby the most. She had told herself that she wouldn't return no matter what the said, she hadn't prepared herself for the pain she would cause the Gothic woman though.

Ziva took a deep breath and rubbed her stinging eyes. Then she picked up the letter and the envelope with the picture inside. She looked cellular phone, the new one with a new number, she had used it once, but that was to airport to purchase Tony's ticket for his plane ride home. Ziva stood up a thick swallow, and decided that it was time she used it again.


	4. Early Presents

**I'm sorry it's been so long, I really meant to turn this into a Christmas fic and finish it on Christmas eve, but I got caught up in something else, sorry guys. Hopefully I am still able to pull of the ending well. Thank you guys for all of your support, it means a lot to me.**

**If you read, review?**

* * *

_Ziva stood up with a thick swallow, and decided that it was time she used it again._

* * *

It had been a few days since Abby had sent the letter, but she didn't really have time to think about that. She was too busy wondering why Tony had been acting so strangely the past few days.

He seemed distant at times and at others, he was amazingly cheerful, even more so than he usually was. When they had small breaks between cases, Tony was always right at her side, saying all of the right things to make her smile. A normal person wouldn't have thought much of this, but Abby could see right through his cheerful smile and see the real excited smile that hid beneath it. Tony was hiding something from her, and she intended to find out just what that was. Tomorrow, she would figure it out tomorrow, when the sun came back up and she would have to come back to work.

Abby walked on the icy ground toward her car in silence. The silence around her made her skin crawl, it wasn't that comforting silence that made you think of how beautiful the snow looked in the full moon light or the silence that made you think of how peaceful the world could be. The silence around her was the silence that made you feel like you were being watched, like something in the shadows was waiting for you to step into the right spot so that it could strike.

A shuffle from out of Abby's view suddenly broke the silence, Abby quickly turned on her heels to see what it was, a movement that was a big mistake when on ice covered ground. Abby's feet slipped out from under her and she fell to the ground, landing on her back and hitting her head with a loud crack.

Within a moment a pair of warm hands were helping her sit up as she rubbed the back of her head with a groan.

"Abby, you alright? Let me see."

Tony held onto one of her arms with one hand and ran his fingers lightly over the tender skin on the back of her head with the other.

Abby hissed when he did so and Tony let out a knowing hiss of his own before he spoke.

"Yeah, that's gonna leave a bump."

"Great, that's just what I need right now." Abby growled as she rubbed the tender spot, still sitting on the cold ground with Tony crouching next to her.

Tony quickly turned from the concerned friend to the protective big brother.

"Who's there?" He called out in the direction the noise had come from.

It was quiet for a moment before the shuffle came again, but no one answered.

Tony grabbed his gun and held out his hand to signal for Abby to stay down, he was about to tell her to do just that when a rabbit hopped out of a bush in the direction the noise had come from. It stared at them for a minute, it wiggled its nose at them before it hopped off making them both burst into laughter.

When they were able to breathe again, Tony helped Abby stand and stopped her when she started off in the direction of her vehicle.

"I would feel better if I took you home, Abs. Just to make sure your okay."

Abby considered protesting, she considered asking him what his real reasoning was, but she decided not to. What if she found out why he had been acting so strangely by doing as he asked? Abby decided to try the theory out.

"Okay." She said quietly with a small nod of her head.

The ride to her house was quiet, something that was unusual for Tony and for herself, but she was determined to make Tony talk, the best way to get someone to talk, was to give them the silence to do so.

Tony walked her into her house and walked her over to the couch, waiting until she sat down to say something.

"How's you head?"

"It's fine, Tony. Honestly! It's just a little bump, no big deal."

Tony gave her a disbelieving look.

"If it's no big deal, then why are you trying so hard to convince me?"

Abby scoffed and considered telling him off, but decided better of it and sighed instead. Abby rubbed the tender spot gently.

"Because it actually does hurt a little, but I didn't want you to know that."

Tony sighed and left toward the direction of her kitchen. He mumbled something that sounded an awful lot like "Typical, Abby," but Abby chose to ignore it.

Abby got up and walked over to her Christmas tree and plugged it into the wall, instantly, a thousand tiny, colorful lights lit up, finally illuminating the house with a small light. Tony came back with an ice pack and held it out to her, when she took it from him he turned his gaze to the tree. For a long while they were both silent, gazing at the beauty of something that was usually taken for granted. After a while, Abby heard Tony start to dig in his coat pocket before he slowly held out a small black box.

"What is it?" Abby spoke quietly, as if she was going to wake someone if she spoke to loudly.

Tony smiled a little before speaking just as quietly.

"Open it, you'll see."

Abby took the small box from him and opened it. Abby was speechless from the moment that sparkle hit her eyes. In the box was a familiar golden chain that held a golden star of David. Abby felt tears prickle at the corner of her eyes as she looked to Tony's neck. Usually the necklace there would catch any light that touched it and sparkle away. In the dim light, Abby spotted no sparkle around Tony's neck, not even a dim shimmer. Abby looked up a bit to meet his gaze. He had tears forming too.

"Tony, I can't."

She tried to hand it back to him, but he pushed it back toward her.

"Yes you can!"

His words were forceful and they left Abby with a loss for her own. When Tony spoke again his words were much softer.

"You need it more than I do."

Abby's knees buckled, but Tony was quick to catch her. He picked up the woman who was like the little sister he never had and held her close to his chest as he walked over to the couch and sat down. He continued to hold her like that until she cried herself to sleep. He soon followed, but continued to hold her the same way. He knew that Abby lived by her heart, something that wasn't all that wise, no matter how smart Abby was. It meant that people could easily hurt her, destroy her even, and every time they asked for forgiveness, she would be willing to give them another chance. He wasn't going to be so soft anymore, Abby was his little sister even if she wasn't blood and it was time her big brother stopped letting people get to her heart so easily.

His last thought before he drifted off to sleep with her safely in his arms, was that he hoped what he was going to do was right for her.

* * *

Abby woke when she heard a faint whisper of her name, followed by the gentle shaking on her arm. Abby opened her eyes to find that she was still in Tony's grasp. He smiled down at her, the smile was caring and kind.

"What is it?"

"I have an early present for you."

Abby groaned and stretched in his arms.

"Can't it wait until tomorrow?"

Tony shook his head but kept smiling. Amused by Abby's child like nature that seemed to emphasize when she was tired.

"No, I think you'll understand and be happy that you didn't wait any longer then you did when you see it."

This caught Abby's interest. Tony laughed when he saw the familiar curious and excited look in her eyes.

He maneuvered himself so that she was out of his hold and onto the couch. He stood and stretched before he held out a hand for her to take. Abby took his hand and let him lead her out to his car. He turned on the heater and left back into her house coming back with a sweatshirt and a pair of sneakers. He handed them to her before pulling away from her house.

"You're gonna need those."


End file.
